rinalia

Seriously. What SHOULD we do with those nasty, teething, ebil toddlers (no doubt related to pit bulls)?

Kill 'em! Why not? It will prevent future biting and, as we all know, once a toddler bites, s/he is bound to rip out someone's throat and drink their blood as nourishment! Let's just save everyone the trouble and humanely euthanize the toddler now!

"Some" claim that it isn't the toddler, it's how the toddler is raised. Balderdash. Only genetic mutant toddlers have a propensity to bite, and they just cannot help themselves. No amount of "training", "teething alternatives" or "bad baby, no biting!" will curb this nasty and downright lethal behavior. Toddler-rights activists balk at the idea of killing these biters, but safety experts agree: 90% of toddler bites are caused by toddlers. That's a statistic you just can't argue with. For the community, it is best to just kill the little biting buggers now. Or later. But before they turn five.

Or, you can read what this "expert" has to say: http://www.kansas.com/mld/kansas/living/12295695.htm

Really lengthy response to an easily solved problem - all they had to say was "Take your baby to the local pediatrician and humanely euthanize him - for him, yourselves, and future children in the future of tomorrow."

Ahem. That is all.

I wish I wrote this. To the max!

"Responding resolutely to the recent wave of terrier attacks on innocent humans, US President, George W. Bush today re-affirmed the United States continued engagement in a full scale war on terriers, maintaining that they are "slowly but surely winning the battle against evil".

To a beleaguered, expectant nation longing for an end to the seemingly interminable cycle of hostility, the President stated on live television, "We must appreciate that these terrier folks are not dogs in the way Lassie is a dog or Fido is a dog... no sir - these terrier dogs are evil, cold-blooded ideologues that must be stopped. They have no respect for the dignity of human life or our individual liberty".

Political analysts had been forecasting such a pronouncement coming as it has in the wake of a spate of high profile terrier attacks in recent weeks. On July 6th, a Scotch Airsdale Terrier caused havoc in a London Tube Station when it sneaked through an inadvisably installed doggy flap at the station entrance and started barking angrily at commuters and urinating over a number of innocent people's shoes. Distraught victims are still agonising about how their shoelaces have stunk of dog piss for weeks. Tragically, many have been forced to buy new shoelaces.

Mayor of London, Ken Livingstone raged, "They can replace their shoelaces but they cannot replace the horrific memory of this brutal terrier attack. It is seared upon the collective consciousness of all us city dwellers. These were just ordinary Londoners going about their daily business, many of them dog owners themselves. It's an outrage - a bloody outrage.""

( Terrierism at large )

That was freaking hilarious. If you did not find it funny, laugh anyways - it IS funny, darnit. I mean damnit.